Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
