He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
