I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
