forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
