I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
