Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
