My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
