whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
