everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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