before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
