Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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