I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i think i have two assholes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
