i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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