she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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