i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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