I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
