There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
