I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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