Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
