dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
