There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
