you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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