Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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