The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
