I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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