I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
