were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
