before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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