I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
