I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
