it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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