First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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