I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
