If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
