you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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