Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize