if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize