we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it's like iHOP with fire
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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