I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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