yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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