If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize