So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
