I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
