I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
