You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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