The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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