I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
