he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My vagina just clenched in fear
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize