You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
