what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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