Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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