Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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