I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
vagina is talking i cant
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
