I can tuck mytits in my pants
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
