dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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