just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize