so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
