i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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