i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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