I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
