Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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