So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
