Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
