Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
