we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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