So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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