i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
