just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize