I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i dont even know how to be here
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
