I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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