Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
