the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Your penis caused this!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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