Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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